


It Only Gets Better

by atomicSoundwaves



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Oblivious John, Sadstuck, Suicidal Karkat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicSoundwaves/pseuds/atomicSoundwaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You told him. And now nothing was going to be the same ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Only Gets Better

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fanfic I've ever written. For anything. Ever. Tell me what you think!!!!

You stood there looking out the window while your blood ran down your arms. You told him. You can't believe how stupid you felt when the words came flowing out of your mouth. Sometimes you really hated yourself. You wished it had never happened. That your stupid feelings never got in the way of your life. But they did. And now John is probably going to avoid you for the rest of your life. Good going Karkat. Just when you thought you couldn't manage to fuck up your life even further, you proved your thoughts wrong. Again.

"Oh, um. Sorry, Karkat. I don't know if I feel the same way. But I uh, I'll get back to you on that when I get my feelings sorted out."

His words stung like poison. Stupid humans. Stupid feelings. Stupid John. Why did you have to fall in love with him? Why not someone else? Apparently you couldn't get it through your thick skull that loving a human was a big no no. Before you could continue arguing with yourself, your vision began to blur. Then there was a knock on the door. "Karkat," they said. "Are you in there?" It was then that you realized it was John. The last idiot that you would like to see at the moment. And yet you couldn't stop yourself from opening the door. That stupid voice was always enough to make your heart skip a beat. You completely forgot that you were trying to commit suicide, and you weren't trying to make it quick and painless either. You wanted yourself to feel all of the pain that no one else should ever endure. So you cut your arms. Deep. Until you were sure that you were beyond saving. Because who would ever love a mutant, let alone ever want to save one?

"Oh my god." You snapped back into reality once you realized that you forgot to hide the gashes. "Karkat what the fuck are you trying to do, get yourself killed?!" Your eyes showed all of the fear and pain that you felt at that very moment. His eyes widened in shock once he realized that you actually /were/ trying to kill yourself. "Oh dear god. Karkat please no, don't do this." You collapsed on the floor and he immediately came to your side. You looked into his eyes, and realized that he was beginning to tear up. His eyes were so beautiful, you thought. Such an unnatural, yet beautiful blue they were. You're glad that they were the last thing you got to see. Its a real shame that they weren't full of joy. Instead they looked petrified. Something you never thought you would be able to see coming from him. "I'm sorry John." The last thing you remembered hearing before you became unconscious was screaming.

You woke up in your bed. You couldn't really remember much from what happened, but you guessed that you must have tried it again. Great. There goes another failed suicide attempt. Sometimes you really want to disappear from this world. Because you're worthless. You're nothing but a screw up and you should have never gotten a chance to live. Tears threatened to fall down your face, but you didn't let them. You kept it all inside because you felt someone else's presence in the room. You turned your head. Of course. It just had to be John. He was staring right at you. You just sat there, unable to move, until you realized that he was getting closer. Closer. Closer. Until he was right in front if you. The last thing you would've expected was for one of your closest friends to slap you. But you guessed you deserved it for being such a prick. God you're so stupid. Why you? Why did you have to be born a stupid mutant blood and not something else? It would've saved you all the effort of wanting to die, not to mention you probably would've liked yourself mo- 

His lips were on yours before you could finish that thought. It was a very sincere kiss, the kind that you usually saw in your romcoms. It warmed you up, as if your body was being filled with boiling water. "Don't ever do that again. Don't you dare. You can't leave me. I won't let you." He started crying again, and you found yourself trying to comfort him and telling him it'll all be okay. Both of you sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care at the moment. Because John Egbert, the love of your life, was asleep in your arms, curled up right beside you, breathing ever so calmly. You heard him whisper an 'I love you' when he was still crying. You couldn't believe it. Your life had changed in just a few hours, all because of John. You don't know which thought confused you more, the fact that you were in love with an idiot or that the same idiot was in love with you. 

This time you didn't stop the tears from falling. Because you knew that they were tears of happiness. Something in your life finally mattered. It made you want to live for it and protect it no matter what. Even if he goes, you'll still love him. But you couldn't think about that. You didn't want to think about John leaving you. Because if you did you knew what came after. Regret. Fear. Insecurity. Depression. It would all come in a matter of minutes. So you stopped thinking about it. And instead you started thinking about John. How your relationship would work out. Why you loved him. Why he was worth it. At some point you stopped thinking. It felt odd to think about positive things when you grew up noticing all the bad things in life. It felt good though. So you promised yourself you would think positively more often. You used to think that life only got worse as the days went by. Once again you were proved wrong. Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you're starting to think that life will only get better as long as you're with this idiot, /your/ idiot, John Egbert. And you couldn't have been happier about it.


End file.
